Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
