I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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