saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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