He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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