Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
