Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
