we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
