Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
