I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
