It's just like the Real World with babies
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
