I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
pop tarts are not kleenex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
