barbara walters just said penis...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I want a musical about memes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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