No stitches, just platelets and will power
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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