thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
