I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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