I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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