I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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