I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
