fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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