Kiss
Puke
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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