I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Congratulations! We have a period
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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