I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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