My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
