My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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