You made me cry and you don't even care
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i think i just lost a toe
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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