I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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