Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
did i walk over a car last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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