he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
