): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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