Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
