You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
