I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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