He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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