it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to sanitize my soul.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
