I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
