I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
