so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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