You smell like stripper and shame
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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