it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
