I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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