I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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