Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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