He asked to "fluff my boner.."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
