I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize