Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
