i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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