i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
