Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
