I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
