is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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