i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
