He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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