I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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