after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
