Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
