my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
