Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
