I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
