quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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