so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
