found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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