now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
