I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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