I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
