I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
