Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
