my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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