my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
