Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no you cant smoke seaweed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i now understand why vodka
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
