I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
