I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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