well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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