took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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