its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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