You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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