PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
